Day 6: Childhood Memory

So many things happened today that could have fallen under the "childhood memory" category.  It's amazing to see my children play and learn like I did!  This picture, taken earlier in the day, captures Miriam wearing a hard hat and reading stories.  I used to go to work with my father when I was a bit older than her (maybe just a bit older than Benjamin, actually).  He worked in a factory at the time, and my brother and I would ride our tricycles around the large open spaces not too far from the machines.  I can't remember if I had to wear a hard hat.  Likely not, as there wasn't a problem with toddlers being in a factory "back in the day," but I remember wanting so much to be like my father.  Alas, I turned out much more like my mother, and I never could put down a good book!

Photo taken on the Auto setting with flash.  Edited in Picasa with Saturation, then further edited in Picnik with Lomo-ish and Vignette effects.

How much money have I saved by breastfeeding?

I came across a post on Twitter where a mom claimed to have saved just over $2000 by breastfeeding instead of formula feeding. It got me to thinking...how much money have I saved by breastfeeding?

Let's start counting costs I've incurred while breastfeeding at the beginning, when I started nursing Benjamin. I worked out of the home for 6 months, and then have been home to feed him and Miriam ever since. I do not offer bottles when I am available to nurse, so Miriam has had a bottle offered only 1 time and she refused it. There's been no point in bottle-training her since I am a stay at home mom now, so I didn't push it:

Breastfeeding Introduction Class: offered for free by my birthing center = $0
Breastpump for returning to work: got a second-hand Medela PIS = $50
New tubing and flanges for pump: bought on clearance = $5 for tubing, $8 for flanges
Bottles: bought a 3 pack of Dr. Brown's bottles = $16
Bottlebrush: $5
Breastmilk storage bags: I used Lanisoh's Breastmilk Bags, an average of 1 pack per month for the 6 months I pumped = $60
Reuseable nursing pads: I made these myself or received them as promotional gifts = $0
Disposable nursing pads: These were thinner under my work clothes, used Lanisoh's brand, an average of 1 box/month for 2 years = $118
Nursing shawl: I purchased a fancy custom-made shawl I rarely use because I am comfortable nursing without a cover in public, but I didn't start out that way = $40

Benjamin did get a good amount of formula in those 6 months that I worked, to supplement what I couldn't pump. So if I factor in the 8 cans of Target brand Gentile Formula we used, it would add $118 to our feeding costs.

My total cost in breastfeeding my 2 children (with the small amount of formula supplementation) = $420


Morning nursing session in bed on a lazy Saturday

Now, if we had exclusively formula fed Benjamin, our formula costs would be much higher. I found an online chart that broke down the average amount of formula drunk per day, but it only accounted for up to 6 months of age. Because babies can begin to be offered solid foods at 6 months of age, I would assume that the average amount of formula consumed would stay constant from 6-12 months, with the additional calories needed ingested in the form of solid foods. According to this chart (which, when compared to other online charts, falls right in the middle of the low vs high amounts of formula per day), a child will consume roughly 11,490 ounces of formula in 1 year. The Up & Up brand of Gentle Formula (which was what Benjamin tolerated), costs $14.80 for 80 ounces. 11,490/80=143.625x$14.80 = $2,125.65 for a one year supply of powdered formula.

Miriam has a casein allergy, so she cannot have dairy products. She also likely has a soy allergy (very common in babies that have a CSM allergy) So, formula feeding her would require an elemental formula. These formulas are available to us by prescription only, but would not be covered by insurance. Each can retails at $32.98 and makes 80fl oz. Keeping with the same averages that we used in calculating Benjamin's formula cost, we would assume that Miriam would also take in roughly 11,490 ounces in one year. That's a total cost of $4,738.75 for a years worth of formula!

Add in cost of bottles = $16 (assuming we're cool with lots of washing and can work with 3 bottles in our cabinets)
Bottle brush = $5
Formula travel dispenser = $7

Total cost for formula feeding my 2 children for only one year each = $6,892.40


Nursing my daughter while formula feeding a nanny charge on yet another lazy Saturday morning

WOW! Look at that! I saved $6,472.40 by choosing to feed my child naturally by breastfeeding!! Of course, this doesn't take into account any of the potential medical savings for either my kids or myself (that's right, breastfeeding lowers my risk of common cancers!) over our lifetime.

These simple calculations mean a lot to me, considering that I initially chose to breastfeed purely for the monetary savings. Since then, the act of breastfeeding has developed to hold so much more meaning to me than frugality. As science attempts to create substitutes to rival Mother's Milk, it only furthers my education in how wonderful God made my body and how he designed it to nurture my children. No amount of money saved will ever compare to that!

Birth Highs

Did you have a Birth High? I did. It was the most amazing feeling. I remember thinking, "If I could do that, I can do anything!" Scientists tell me that's oxytocin rushing through my veins. If that's what it was, hook me up for some more! (Though, only the natural stuff please, Pitocin certainly didn't make me feel this way.)

I've been watching a lot of documentaries on Netflix recently, the latest of which have been The Business of Being Born and Pregnant in America. Both movies deal with the medical communities growing disregard for the exerience of birth and their emphasis on convenience. I highly recommend that everyone watch these, but I feel they'll have special meaning to expectant and current mothers. I know that they only solidified my resolve to have only natural births, but they've gotten me to thinking about births in general and how much do we really know?

In asking several of my friends, acquaintences, and family, I was horrified to learn that many of these people considered a Natural Birth to be a vaginal birth, with or without the use of drugs. They thought there's only two kinds: Natural or Cesarean. It made me sad to think that they didn't join in my joy of having a Natural (Unmedicated) Birth! No wonder they all just sort of said, "Yeah, and?"

Now, I'll be honest with you guys. I was pretty naive going into my pregnancy with Benjamin. I never considered a midwife, and I actually didn't think midwives practiced anymore in this day and age. I knew that I didn't want an epidural, but it was mostly because my mother had birthed all 4 of her children without one (so I could too) and not because of the potential risks. I didn't research doctors, I just went to the OB that I had my annual gynological appointments with. I didn't research hospitals (or birth centers for that matter), I just chose the one that was closest to my home. I did absolutely no research on possible complications or drugs used in "aiding" labor. My eyes glazed over in the birth class when they went over these things because "I had an uncomplicated pregnancy, why would I have a complicated labor?"

My OB didn't educate me on anything unless I asked about a particular subject. But how was I supposed to know what to ask if I didn't know my options?! I just went with the flow. I learned the hospital I chose had Doulas available for birthing mothers and after meeting the group of them, I knew that I wanted one of them to be with me, though if the hospital had not made it such an affordable option, I probably would have gone without.

Benjamin's labor was full of interventions, even though it started spontaneously. Around noon of the day he was born (10 hours of active labor at that point), my OB came in and wanted to start Pitocin. When I asked why, he said, "You're not progressing fast enough." I should have asked why I had a deadline (my waters had not broken yet), but I have a better understanding now that he wanted it all done before he was off shift for the day. When I refused, he told me that he'd give me 2 hours but then he had to start it. Again, why did he have to? Baby was in no danger. But, I had only progressed one centimeter and wasn't to the pushing stage that apparently my OB was after, so he started the Pitocin. Not long after that, I thought I was going to die, so I got the epidural. Then they had to up the pitocin because my labor slowed down. And then my doctor was done for the day and came to say he'd see me tomorrow, "hopefully with a baby." By the time I was ready to push, I had no idea what I was doing. I couldn't feel a damned thing wtih that epidural. But both my and baby's heartrate were dropping so I was told I had to get that baby out fast. I ended up with a 4th degree tear that took 9 weeks to heal because I pushed him out so fast he didn't have time to turn his body.

Because of my experience in Benjamin's labor, I was so much more prepared for Miriam's birth. I "reserved" the same doula that was there for Benjamin's birth. She was awesome. I wrote a detailed (super detailed) birth plan and hand delivered it to the birth center (they lost the one from Benjamin's birth when I had mailed it in). I was prepared to say No Way to any and all drugs pushed at me. Whenever threatened "Baby's in danger" at me, I was going to ask what exactly would happen if I waited 30 minutes to make a decision. I was not going to let someone strong-arm me into what they wanted to do. I was more comfortable for her birth. I moaned, as loudly as I wanted, without caring who heard me. I only had Chris and the doula in my room, and I declined all vaginal checks from the nurses. I never felt like I was going to die of pain in her labor. I won't lie, I got really really uncomfortable, but the pain felt like it was doing something progressive and positive. Sooner than I was ready for, Miriam was crowning. I do remember yelling at one of the nurses when she told me to push. I wanted to do this on my own. I wanted Miriam to come on her own, slowly, and safely. I delivered Miriam without a doctor present. A wonderful, and surprised, nurse caught her. Then, in rushed the doctor, arms flailing about that no one called to tell him I was close, and "what if she needed Pitocin" and "what if there was something wrong with the baby". I shrug at it. I was in a hospital afterall. There were 16 doctors present on the grounds, plus another 32 doctors on call if something did go wrong. I would have said no to the pitocin anyway, so I didn't care.

Miriam's birth empowered me. I wish that all women could have such empowering births. I wish that the birthing system in the United States educated women more on their choices of birth than on their choices of birth control. I didn't care for my experiences with doctors, though I loved the caring hands of my doula and the quiet support of my husband. From here on out, any babies being born in my family won't be happening with a doctor. All I felt was love for me, for my husband, for my children through the entire labor, and I don't want it taken away by the presence of anyone else.

I'm still on my Birth High and it empowers me to be a great mother. What did your birth do for you?

Miriam's new hat

I had some leftover yarn (well, actually nearly half the skein!) from my Tympany hat. Miriam also has outgrown all of her newborn hats. Those two facts meant that it was time to knit Miriam a new hat, and why not a hat that matches Mommy's?



This is Miriam's Modified Jewel Hat
Pattern: Jewel Baby Hat with my own twist
Yarn: Dream in Color Starry, colorway Pansy Go Lightly
Needles were a US 3
More details on Ravelry here.

My new obsession

I've been a bit obsessed with babywearing recently. I was first fully introduced the proper method of babywearing when my sister showed me how to use her Moby wrap. I had been telling her how much I hated the old Evenflo Snugli carrier that I found at Goodwill (tip #1: good baby carriers will not be found in thrift stores!). I felt like Benjamin wasn't secure it in, and I couldn't lean over because he wasn't tightly held to my body. I wasn't sure how it was actually helpful! I learned that it was actually a very poor structure for babywearing. I deem it of the crotch carrying variety (like the Baby Bjorn). It provides no ergonomic hip or spinal support for baby and when you use it as a front facing carrier, it throws off the wearer's balance so you must arch your back a little to correct it. Learning that explained a lot about why Benjamin was unhappy to sit in it and why I was unhappy to wear it. And away we went into our babywearing adventure!

Miriam was being very kind in helping me show off my different carriers today. She loves them! She can be quite fussy when I put her down, but as I'm getting her wrapped (or strapped) up, she starts smiling or sighing. She knows what it means!

Well, first there was the Moby Wrap. I used this for a very long time with Benjamin. He was already four months old when I started wrapping him in this. I've done pretty much every hold one can think of, except for a back carry because that's not advised with a stretchy wrap, and it is by far my favorite wrap for small babies. Miriam has pretty much outgrown this one now. I find it starts to loose it's support once the baby reaches 15 pounds. However, it's an invaluable tool when working with newborns who just love to be held, cuddled, and carried right next to your heart!!

Moby Wrap - Hug Hold


When I found out I was pregnant with Miriam, I started to loose my hips. Benjamin was too big for the Moby Wrap, but he still wanted to be held and carried a lot. But, he was entering his toddler exploration phase and wanted to be up and down quite often. This is when I purchased my Hotsling. It's sized to my pregnant body, so it's not my go-to choice unless I'm wearing my winter coat or lots of layers. I keep it in my car now for shopping trips. If Miriam is asleep in her carseat, I'll put Benjamin in the Hotsling to keep him from grabbing everything off the shelf. If she's awake, she goes in the sling and he sits in the cart. (And NO! This sling is not one of the recalled versions. A sling like this is safe. A bag sling like those are not. It is important that your baby's chin never touch their chest when babywearing, as they did in the bag slings and caused aspirations.)

Hotsling - Hip Carry


After my Hotsling, came my Maya Wrap. This is actual a handmade ring sling using the brand's sewing instructions. Because I used fabric from the remnants bin, just to see if I would like it (didn't want to use really nice fabric and hate it!!), I made it a double layered sling so that the wrong sides of the fabric wouldn't show. This is a great, versatile sling. It's the first time I tried back carries and worked well enough so that I could continue to play handbells while holding Benjamin, carefully avoiding the rings, of course. It's a quick on-off sling, but I do prefer to use it when I can expect the child to remain in the sling for at least an hour because it's not as easy on-off as the Hotsling.

Maya Wrap - modified Kangaroo Carry


It wasn't too long after Miriam was born that I realized that I was going to need to learn a backcarry. I was desperate! I couldn't do much with her in a front carry in my Moby or Maya wraps because her body got in the way. As she got older, she started to use those little feet to push up on whatever fabric she could get a foothold on and since she has a very long body, she was constantly in my face. I nanny, and part of my job duties are feeding the kids their lunches and dinners, so I want to use the oven and I felt I couldn't do that with her in a front carry. Miriam struggled with colic and the only way to soothe her was to carry her. I obliged because who really wants to hear a baby cry?! I started searching for ways to do back carries, and the most versatile way is to use a woven wrap. Well, I didn't have the money to purchase a good German woven wrap, so I cut up a old curtain that resembled the cotton gauze wraps. It has a slight stretch to it, so it's easy to make a comfortable wrap, but it's not my favorite. I like it a lot for front or hips carries. I can do a back wrap in it, but my arms are not flexible enough to make it a quick venture. I am told that if I invested the money in a good woven wrap that I'll change my mind, and I bet I would! Maybe I will if I have more kids. :-)

Cotton Gauze Wrap - Secure High Back Carry


While I was doing my search on options for back carries, a wonderful fellow knitter offered me her Beco Butterfly II. She picked the pattern on this carrier because she liked it, but her husband had beefs with her wearing their son in a pink carrier. She bought it second-hand at half price and offered it to me at 30% off that. Now, that I can certainly afford!! This is a seriously awesome carrier. It is also the only carrier that I can get Chris to use (though he still refuses to use it in public becuase it's pink) It's super easy to get Miriam in and on my back. I wear it a lot on my front too, and in this carrier is primarily where she takes her naps now. I can go from a front to back carry without taking her out or pass her off to Chris in the same manner. I've used it as a back carry for Benjamin when he's asked, but he's still too up and down, go go go, for something like this. He does better in the slings. I am in love with my Beco and I think everyone around me knows it!

Beco Butterfly II - Back Carry


So, those are my carriers. Besides a good German woven wrap (I think I'd like a Storchenwiege), I also don't have a mei tai in my collection. I've been looking at wrap conversion mei tais, specifically one by this Etsy seller!

If you are interested in babywearing or in the market for an affordable secondhand carrier, get over to The Babywearer and check out their forums!!

BabyLegs

Well, guess who found some time?! I got a new babycarrier in the mail, so I plopped Miriam in and was able to get some handsfree time as long as I kept moving. A little dancing around the sewing machine, and I created some DIY BabyLegs!!

I took a pair of $2.00 knee socks from the women's department at Target.


Cut off the toes and heels


Folded the foot portion in half, wrong sides together to create a cuff


Slipped the leg portion into the cuff so that all three raw edges matched


Sewed a zigzag (tension set at length = 2.0, width = 3.0, slightly stretching the fabric as I sewed) at a 1/4 inch seam along the raw edges and flipped the cuff down so the seam was inside


And put them on my baby with her onsie that Aunt Sarah decorated for her!



Super super easy to do. Perfect for babywearing since their pants get hiked up so far in a carrier!

Working WITH Mothers

Have you ever had a day that made you wish you had not made any of the choices in your life that brought you to that moment? Yesterday was just such a day for me.

Becoming a parent to a toddler and a newborn has not been an easy feat for me to manage. I'm not nearly as patient or as giving as I had envisioned myself to be. I also find myself with less dedication to the parenting principles I had set forth in the beginning of my motherhood with Benjamin. I tell myself that if I could just put myself back on track with those, everything would be so much easier. Maybe, maybe not.

Miriam has been struggling with colic, and there are days that it is manageable and days that it is much, much worse. I've done all that I can for her and it's not enough. It's so heartbreaking to see and hear her scream. The only thing that brings her comfort is being held. However, her definition of "being held" changes hourly. Sometimes being scrunched up on my chest is enough, other times it must be high up on the shoulder, and yet others it must be some position that we have yet to determine.

Benjamin is a toddler. He's beginning to assert his independence but doesn't yet know the dangerous situations in which he must follow Mommy's directions. Temper tantrums are a daily norm. Unfortunately, they are getting out of control because I'm often not able to get on the floor with him to diffuse the situation. I feel very bad that I'm not able to have my hands free to cuddle and play with him like I did 6 weeks ago.

Besides the half hour quick dash to the store last weekend to purchase Benjamin a winter snowsuit, I have not left the house for anything but work and church and doctor appointments. It's been too difficult to go out in public with a toddler that runs away from me and a newborn that can't just chill out in the stroller or carrier. I often use the Moby wrap around the house, but it's not a great option for going out because we live in Wisconsin and it's starting to get cold outside, too cold for taking out of the carseat without a jacket on (which we've been told not to put one on a baby in a carseat because the seatbelt won't be tight enough). But, I might just go crazy if I don't get some time out of this house for fun!

So, please, when you see a mother who looks ready to cry as her toddler runs away down the street screaming, "No!" and as her newborn is crying because she's not being held the right way, please offer her help! Do not just shake your head and keep walking. I really need a village to get through this.

She's here!!

Miriam Elizabeth made her grand entrance into this world on Thursday, September 30, 2010, at 5:04am! She weighed 8lbs, 5oz, and is 20.5" long. She looks exactly like her older brother, Benjamin, but definitely more "girly" in her features.



I had been sitting at 5cm dilated for two weeks, and being at risk for a placental abruption, my OB decided to do a membrane sweep at my 9:00am appointment to see if we couldn’t get labor jump-started. About an hour after the appointment, I started a dull back pain. At 6:00pm, I started to have contractions. They didn’t hurt, but they were felt first in my underbelly and then spread to my entire lower back. They were very regular, starting at 8 minutes apart, but never got stronger and never got closer together. By 8:30pm, they were pretty much gone, or maybe I had just become accustomed to them and didn’t notice anymore! I had been sitting on an exercise ball, and it had done a great job at relieving the back pressure because I could roll back, stretch my hips, and sink into the ball. So, at 9:30pm, I decided to just go to bed.

I woke at 10:55pm, feeling a strong contraction in my lower back. After two of those, I woke my husband, Chris, and told him that I needed his help to get through the contractions. He applied counter-pressure (pressing both in and down on my hips to give a “spreading” feeling), and the warmth of his hands made the contractions seem like nothing at all. These were very irregular contractions, first at 6 minutes apart, then 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes, then back to 5 minutes. I laid in bed for another hour, then decided that they weren’t going away and we should call my father to come stay the rest of the night with Benjamin. I told him that the contractions weren’t regular, but it was going to happen tonight, and asked if he wanted to come now or should we call him when we were certain we were going to the hospital? He opted to come right away as it takes him 45 minutes to get to our house. I decided to take a shower to bide the time, but by the time I was done, my contractions were so strong that I was having difficulty breathing through them on my own. So as soon as my father arrived to babysit Benjamin, we left for the hospital, even though my contractions were still irregular.

When I arrived at 1:30am, I was 7cm dilated. I chose to sit on the birthing ball since that’s what worked for me at home. My doula, Vanessa, showed up shortly afterwards and sat in front of me to help control my breathing, while Chris continued to sit behind me and applied counter-pressure to my back. My contractions remained irregular, both in timing and in strength. It felt like I would have one really strong contraction, then a small one, and then a large one again. I had a few contractions that were so hard and so long that I vomited immediately afterwards. Everyone assured me that vomiting is good because it acts as 10 contractions since I’m pushing downward with each vomit. Though, I wished I hadn’t chosen to eat Sloppy Joes for dinner! At about 4:00am, I moved into transition and I changed my breathing to a moaning. I felt like I had a better control over the release of the pressure by using words like “okay, okay, okay,” and that actually made me smile and calmer because that’s what Benjamin says when you ask him to do something, “okay, okay, okay.” I moved to the bed on my knees and hung my upper body over a support bar when the contractions became really intense. The support bar was a little high for me, so I turned around on my hands and knees and buried my face into a pillow. I did a lot of physical shaking with the transitional contractions.

At 4:55am, my contractions made a sudden change to strong, regular, smooth contractions. With two of these, my water broke, and the very next contraction had me pushing the baby’s head out! The nurses tried to encourage me to lay on my back, but I didn’t want to move from my hands and knees, so that’s where I stayed for the pushing. At first, the nurses were telling me to push, but I told them, “Stop telling me to push! Don’t tell me to push! I can do this on my own!” I’m afraid I embarrassed Chris because of how vocal and loud I was being. I don’t feel that I actively pushed, but that I let the contractions do the work. To be absolutely honest, as the head was crowning, I got very scared and I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t. It was okay though, because 6 minutes later, Miriam was fully delivered!!

The on-call doctor showed up 15 minutes later, and the only thing she did was deliver the placenta which was being very stubborn. She administered pitocin for that, and I’ve had it one additional time because I’m having a hard time with getting the post-partum clotting to stick.

I’m feeling pretty good!! I had a tiny little tearing, not even enough to consider a 1st degree, which is wonderful compared to the 4th degree one I had with Benjamin. It’s amazing how wonderful and proud I feel after a non-medicated birth!



Benjamin is enjoying being a big brother, if only because it means that the grandparents and Daddy are at home everyday. He hasn't quite figured out exactly how this new baby relates to him. As a toddler, it's still all about Benjamin!

Sweet Dreams Baby Hat

This hat pattern is a very special one for me. When Benjamin was born, the hospital staff gave him a handknit hat. It fit him so perfectly, not nearly as tight as all the hats I had knit him, plus the ribbing was long enough to cover his ears. That's an extremely important feature to have in Wisconsin when you're born in February!!

So when I joined a Hat Swap for other babies due to be born in October, right around the time I'm due, I knew right away that I wanted to share this wonderful hat. I searched high and low for a pattern that would create a similar hat, but I could not find one. Finally, I reverse-engineered Benjamin's hat to create a hat for my swap partner's baby. Although Benjamin's hat had a pom-pom on top, I opted not to put one on this hat. I'm always a little wary of removeable items on baby clothes, and a pom-pom on top makes it a bit difficult to use a head support when in a carseat because of the added height to the hat, so no pom-pom for us! (It is a really cute feature though, so go ahead and make one if you'd like!)



Materials
Yarn A: Variagated sport weight yarn
Yarn B: Matching solid color sport weight yarn
Size US 4 (3.5mm) double pointed needles

Guage: 6sts/9rows = 1" in stockinette stitch

Directions
In yarn A, cast on 72 sts using the long-tail cast-on.
Join to work in the round.
Work K2,P2 rib for 3".
Purl next round.
Switch to yarn B, knit in stockinette stitch for 2 inches.
Switch back to yarn A, knit one round.
Purl one round.
K one round
*K6, K2tog, repeat from * 9 times.
K one round
*K5, K2tog, repeat from * 9 times
K one round
*K4, K2tog, repeat from * 9 times
K one round
*K3, K2tog, repeat from * 9 times
K one round
*K2, K2tog, repeat from * 9 times
K one round
*K1, K2tog, repeat from * 9 times
K one round
*K2tog, repeat from * 9 times
Cut yarn and thread through remaining 9 stitches. Weave in ends.