First Snowman Ever

We had a real cold snap last week that prevented us from spending much time outside.  I'm sure Benjamin could have handled it, but I worried for Miriam since she's been gasping for air on the quick in-out dashes from the car/house when we run errands.  Also, I'm a complete chicken when it comes to cold.  I was not meant to live in Wisconsin.  Anything less than 50ºF mandates that I wear long underwear when spending any time out side, and, unfortunately, Wisconsin weather usually falls into that category 75% of the year.

Sunday, it started to warm up.  We went to church, ran our errands, and made it home around 3:30pm.  Since we have until about 5:00pm before it gets dark, I asked Benjamin if he wanted to go out and play.  I gave him the choice of going out with Chris or going out with me (secretly wishing he'd go out with Chris), and he chose Daddy.

I bundled Benjamin up, for which Chris chided me.  I didn't think that a t-shirt, sweatshirt, coat, mittens, hat, snowpants, scarf, and boots was too much for 34ºF, but Chris didn't think he needed the sweatshirt or scarf.  I wonder if Chris spent much time in his childhood playing in the snow.  It's not just the cold, it's the wet that gets you!

Once I ensured no skin was showing (okay, maybe that was a little much...but I would be a terrible mother if I sent him out with any less!), I sent them out of the house and charged them with making a snowman.  With the weather warming a bit (from 10ºF), the snow was starting to melt and made for perfect packing snow.

Once the snowman was done, Benjamin didn't want to come in yet, so Chris took him sledding in the park next door.  And when they were done, I met them inside with hot chocolate.

And that's when Chris told me he thinks that's the first snowman he's ever built.  Thirty-one years old and his first snowman was built with his son.  I suppose there's no better time!

Day 6: Childhood Memory

So many things happened today that could have fallen under the "childhood memory" category.  It's amazing to see my children play and learn like I did!  This picture, taken earlier in the day, captures Miriam wearing a hard hat and reading stories.  I used to go to work with my father when I was a bit older than her (maybe just a bit older than Benjamin, actually).  He worked in a factory at the time, and my brother and I would ride our tricycles around the large open spaces not too far from the machines.  I can't remember if I had to wear a hard hat.  Likely not, as there wasn't a problem with toddlers being in a factory "back in the day," but I remember wanting so much to be like my father.  Alas, I turned out much more like my mother, and I never could put down a good book!

Photo taken on the Auto setting with flash.  Edited in Picasa with Saturation, then further edited in Picnik with Lomo-ish and Vignette effects.

Day 5: Someone I Love

I almost thought it would be cheating to pick my kids as subject matters today.  (Plus, I didn't want to have to pick a favorite.)  I decided to showcase my husband, Chris, but there was never a moment to get him alone.  And this photo says a lot about that.  Chris is an amazing father who our children adore.  So today, instead of getting "someone," you get to see the "someones" I love, namely, my favorite boys!

Taken on Auto setting with no flash.  Edited in Picnik using "1960's Effect."

Day 2: What I wore

Nothing too special about what I wore.  It was a chilly and rainy day, so I had on my favorite jeans, a t-shirt, and my husband's high school track sweatshirt.  The kids were also very cuddly, and this photo was taken while Benjamin was falling asleep for his nap.

Taken on the portrait setting with a 10 second timer.  Edited in Picasa using Black & White and Warmify effects. 

One smart little cookie:

My son is a pretty smart little 2 year old, if I say so myself. I'm amazed that we don't have more tantrums because our inability to always clearly communicate with each other. Every day he has a new way to express what he's thinking and I'm just wowed by how his brain works. I'll let you in to a little conversation we had tonight.

Benjamin wants me to read him a story.
Me: "Honey, I will read you a story in 5 minutes. It's time to give Miriam some medicine." (Miriam has an ear infection.)
Benjamin: "Yeah, Momma. Miriam's tummy hurts." (He's remembering from when he last got medicine because his tummy hurt when he had rotavirus last month.)
Me: "Yeah, something like that. Her head hurts."
Benjamin: "It's okay. Momma make it better."
Me: "Yes, Momma will make it better."
Benjamin: "Yup, Momma's good. Momma fix it."

About a half hour later, when Miriam was finally succumbing to the affects of the pain medication and had stopped fussing so badly, Benjamin goes up to her and pats her on the head.
Benjamin: "All better Miriam? All better?"
Me: "Yep, Miriam feels better now."
Benjamin: "Oh, good. Now go asleep, Baby. It's time for popcorn!" (We've been having popcorn as a snack after Miriam goes to bed.)

See, isn't his mind just amazing?!

Birth Highs

Did you have a Birth High? I did. It was the most amazing feeling. I remember thinking, "If I could do that, I can do anything!" Scientists tell me that's oxytocin rushing through my veins. If that's what it was, hook me up for some more! (Though, only the natural stuff please, Pitocin certainly didn't make me feel this way.)

I've been watching a lot of documentaries on Netflix recently, the latest of which have been The Business of Being Born and Pregnant in America. Both movies deal with the medical communities growing disregard for the exerience of birth and their emphasis on convenience. I highly recommend that everyone watch these, but I feel they'll have special meaning to expectant and current mothers. I know that they only solidified my resolve to have only natural births, but they've gotten me to thinking about births in general and how much do we really know?

In asking several of my friends, acquaintences, and family, I was horrified to learn that many of these people considered a Natural Birth to be a vaginal birth, with or without the use of drugs. They thought there's only two kinds: Natural or Cesarean. It made me sad to think that they didn't join in my joy of having a Natural (Unmedicated) Birth! No wonder they all just sort of said, "Yeah, and?"

Now, I'll be honest with you guys. I was pretty naive going into my pregnancy with Benjamin. I never considered a midwife, and I actually didn't think midwives practiced anymore in this day and age. I knew that I didn't want an epidural, but it was mostly because my mother had birthed all 4 of her children without one (so I could too) and not because of the potential risks. I didn't research doctors, I just went to the OB that I had my annual gynological appointments with. I didn't research hospitals (or birth centers for that matter), I just chose the one that was closest to my home. I did absolutely no research on possible complications or drugs used in "aiding" labor. My eyes glazed over in the birth class when they went over these things because "I had an uncomplicated pregnancy, why would I have a complicated labor?"

My OB didn't educate me on anything unless I asked about a particular subject. But how was I supposed to know what to ask if I didn't know my options?! I just went with the flow. I learned the hospital I chose had Doulas available for birthing mothers and after meeting the group of them, I knew that I wanted one of them to be with me, though if the hospital had not made it such an affordable option, I probably would have gone without.

Benjamin's labor was full of interventions, even though it started spontaneously. Around noon of the day he was born (10 hours of active labor at that point), my OB came in and wanted to start Pitocin. When I asked why, he said, "You're not progressing fast enough." I should have asked why I had a deadline (my waters had not broken yet), but I have a better understanding now that he wanted it all done before he was off shift for the day. When I refused, he told me that he'd give me 2 hours but then he had to start it. Again, why did he have to? Baby was in no danger. But, I had only progressed one centimeter and wasn't to the pushing stage that apparently my OB was after, so he started the Pitocin. Not long after that, I thought I was going to die, so I got the epidural. Then they had to up the pitocin because my labor slowed down. And then my doctor was done for the day and came to say he'd see me tomorrow, "hopefully with a baby." By the time I was ready to push, I had no idea what I was doing. I couldn't feel a damned thing wtih that epidural. But both my and baby's heartrate were dropping so I was told I had to get that baby out fast. I ended up with a 4th degree tear that took 9 weeks to heal because I pushed him out so fast he didn't have time to turn his body.

Because of my experience in Benjamin's labor, I was so much more prepared for Miriam's birth. I "reserved" the same doula that was there for Benjamin's birth. She was awesome. I wrote a detailed (super detailed) birth plan and hand delivered it to the birth center (they lost the one from Benjamin's birth when I had mailed it in). I was prepared to say No Way to any and all drugs pushed at me. Whenever threatened "Baby's in danger" at me, I was going to ask what exactly would happen if I waited 30 minutes to make a decision. I was not going to let someone strong-arm me into what they wanted to do. I was more comfortable for her birth. I moaned, as loudly as I wanted, without caring who heard me. I only had Chris and the doula in my room, and I declined all vaginal checks from the nurses. I never felt like I was going to die of pain in her labor. I won't lie, I got really really uncomfortable, but the pain felt like it was doing something progressive and positive. Sooner than I was ready for, Miriam was crowning. I do remember yelling at one of the nurses when she told me to push. I wanted to do this on my own. I wanted Miriam to come on her own, slowly, and safely. I delivered Miriam without a doctor present. A wonderful, and surprised, nurse caught her. Then, in rushed the doctor, arms flailing about that no one called to tell him I was close, and "what if she needed Pitocin" and "what if there was something wrong with the baby". I shrug at it. I was in a hospital afterall. There were 16 doctors present on the grounds, plus another 32 doctors on call if something did go wrong. I would have said no to the pitocin anyway, so I didn't care.

Miriam's birth empowered me. I wish that all women could have such empowering births. I wish that the birthing system in the United States educated women more on their choices of birth than on their choices of birth control. I didn't care for my experiences with doctors, though I loved the caring hands of my doula and the quiet support of my husband. From here on out, any babies being born in my family won't be happening with a doctor. All I felt was love for me, for my husband, for my children through the entire labor, and I don't want it taken away by the presence of anyone else.

I'm still on my Birth High and it empowers me to be a great mother. What did your birth do for you?

Friday Faces

Benjamin says "Cheese" with a face full of cheese.

Green Eggs and Ham...and Cauliflower

Benjamin's favorite bedtime story of late has been Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham. He helps by reading the "Sam-I-Am" parts. However, it wasn't until today that I realized I could use this book to my advantage.

Benjamin isn't really a picky eater. He'll eat just about every type of food out there, but he will only eat them in specific forms. Such as, he loves chicken, but only in the form of a nugget. You may trick him into eating a broasted or rotissie chicken, but never a baked one. He'll eat his fruit in any which way it comes, often getting histerically upset because I threw the orange peels away and he thought he could eat those too. He won't eat eggs unless they happen to be in the form of an omelette and on my plate, not his and not Daddy's plates.

But vegetables. Vegetables seem to be the nemisis of all small children. Not my son though! And, well, not for any children I feed. See, I don't cook my vegetables. I don't often purchase fresh ones either because of the expense. I feed children frozen vegetables,frozen. I grew up eating frozen vegetables, and I still occassionally grab a handful of frozen corn or peas or a few frozen green beans from the bags in our freezer as a quick snack. Frozen vegetables are much sweeter than the cooked version and the cold is wonderfully refreshing, and likely relieving to the teething children. However, today, I decided to cook some cauliflower...

I don't require Benjamin to finish his plate. I do ask him to please take a bite of everything on it though. Tonight was the battle of cauliflower. After 15 minutes of me trying to slip in just a tiny piece of the white stuff past his lips, I began to recite Green Eggs and Ham in my mind. Ahah!

"You do not like them so you say. Try them! Try them, and you may! Try them and you may, I say!"

And my son ate cooked cauliflower. :-)

Picture day!

Miriam turned 3 months on December 30th. Such a big strong girl! I thought the over-worrying would not be present with a second child, but I suffer from it just as strongly as I did with Benjamin. The only difference is that I now react differently. I worry that she's not gaining weight appropriately. I worry about her acid reflux. I worry that I'm just plain doing something wrong. Only now, I just don't run to the pediatrician right away. (Actually, I think I'm going to take her in this week just to ease my mind on all my worries. She hasn't been in for just over a month and isn't scheduled for another well-baby visit until the end of February. If, just if, one of my worries substantiates into something real, I'd rather catch it sooner than later.)

We went and had Miriam's 3 month pictures taken and had a family photo taken for good measure. She's such a camera ham! She was laughing and giggling and doing great for the photographer...until she wasn't. She's definitely a hot or cold baby, there's no warm. She's awake or she's asleep, no drowsy state. She's screaming bloody murder or she's calm, there's no warning fussing. Now, taking pictures with a toddler is a different story. He hasn't been the focus of the pictures for almost a year. We'll go back in February for his 2 year portraits so we'll see how he does then.

Working WITH Mothers

Have you ever had a day that made you wish you had not made any of the choices in your life that brought you to that moment? Yesterday was just such a day for me.

Becoming a parent to a toddler and a newborn has not been an easy feat for me to manage. I'm not nearly as patient or as giving as I had envisioned myself to be. I also find myself with less dedication to the parenting principles I had set forth in the beginning of my motherhood with Benjamin. I tell myself that if I could just put myself back on track with those, everything would be so much easier. Maybe, maybe not.

Miriam has been struggling with colic, and there are days that it is manageable and days that it is much, much worse. I've done all that I can for her and it's not enough. It's so heartbreaking to see and hear her scream. The only thing that brings her comfort is being held. However, her definition of "being held" changes hourly. Sometimes being scrunched up on my chest is enough, other times it must be high up on the shoulder, and yet others it must be some position that we have yet to determine.

Benjamin is a toddler. He's beginning to assert his independence but doesn't yet know the dangerous situations in which he must follow Mommy's directions. Temper tantrums are a daily norm. Unfortunately, they are getting out of control because I'm often not able to get on the floor with him to diffuse the situation. I feel very bad that I'm not able to have my hands free to cuddle and play with him like I did 6 weeks ago.

Besides the half hour quick dash to the store last weekend to purchase Benjamin a winter snowsuit, I have not left the house for anything but work and church and doctor appointments. It's been too difficult to go out in public with a toddler that runs away from me and a newborn that can't just chill out in the stroller or carrier. I often use the Moby wrap around the house, but it's not a great option for going out because we live in Wisconsin and it's starting to get cold outside, too cold for taking out of the carseat without a jacket on (which we've been told not to put one on a baby in a carseat because the seatbelt won't be tight enough). But, I might just go crazy if I don't get some time out of this house for fun!

So, please, when you see a mother who looks ready to cry as her toddler runs away down the street screaming, "No!" and as her newborn is crying because she's not being held the right way, please offer her help! Do not just shake your head and keep walking. I really need a village to get through this.

2 Weeks

It's amazing to me how much my kids look alike, yet so different!

Here's Miriam at 2 weeks:


Here's Benjamin at 2 weeks:

She's here!!

Miriam Elizabeth made her grand entrance into this world on Thursday, September 30, 2010, at 5:04am! She weighed 8lbs, 5oz, and is 20.5" long. She looks exactly like her older brother, Benjamin, but definitely more "girly" in her features.



I had been sitting at 5cm dilated for two weeks, and being at risk for a placental abruption, my OB decided to do a membrane sweep at my 9:00am appointment to see if we couldn’t get labor jump-started. About an hour after the appointment, I started a dull back pain. At 6:00pm, I started to have contractions. They didn’t hurt, but they were felt first in my underbelly and then spread to my entire lower back. They were very regular, starting at 8 minutes apart, but never got stronger and never got closer together. By 8:30pm, they were pretty much gone, or maybe I had just become accustomed to them and didn’t notice anymore! I had been sitting on an exercise ball, and it had done a great job at relieving the back pressure because I could roll back, stretch my hips, and sink into the ball. So, at 9:30pm, I decided to just go to bed.

I woke at 10:55pm, feeling a strong contraction in my lower back. After two of those, I woke my husband, Chris, and told him that I needed his help to get through the contractions. He applied counter-pressure (pressing both in and down on my hips to give a “spreading” feeling), and the warmth of his hands made the contractions seem like nothing at all. These were very irregular contractions, first at 6 minutes apart, then 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes, then back to 5 minutes. I laid in bed for another hour, then decided that they weren’t going away and we should call my father to come stay the rest of the night with Benjamin. I told him that the contractions weren’t regular, but it was going to happen tonight, and asked if he wanted to come now or should we call him when we were certain we were going to the hospital? He opted to come right away as it takes him 45 minutes to get to our house. I decided to take a shower to bide the time, but by the time I was done, my contractions were so strong that I was having difficulty breathing through them on my own. So as soon as my father arrived to babysit Benjamin, we left for the hospital, even though my contractions were still irregular.

When I arrived at 1:30am, I was 7cm dilated. I chose to sit on the birthing ball since that’s what worked for me at home. My doula, Vanessa, showed up shortly afterwards and sat in front of me to help control my breathing, while Chris continued to sit behind me and applied counter-pressure to my back. My contractions remained irregular, both in timing and in strength. It felt like I would have one really strong contraction, then a small one, and then a large one again. I had a few contractions that were so hard and so long that I vomited immediately afterwards. Everyone assured me that vomiting is good because it acts as 10 contractions since I’m pushing downward with each vomit. Though, I wished I hadn’t chosen to eat Sloppy Joes for dinner! At about 4:00am, I moved into transition and I changed my breathing to a moaning. I felt like I had a better control over the release of the pressure by using words like “okay, okay, okay,” and that actually made me smile and calmer because that’s what Benjamin says when you ask him to do something, “okay, okay, okay.” I moved to the bed on my knees and hung my upper body over a support bar when the contractions became really intense. The support bar was a little high for me, so I turned around on my hands and knees and buried my face into a pillow. I did a lot of physical shaking with the transitional contractions.

At 4:55am, my contractions made a sudden change to strong, regular, smooth contractions. With two of these, my water broke, and the very next contraction had me pushing the baby’s head out! The nurses tried to encourage me to lay on my back, but I didn’t want to move from my hands and knees, so that’s where I stayed for the pushing. At first, the nurses were telling me to push, but I told them, “Stop telling me to push! Don’t tell me to push! I can do this on my own!” I’m afraid I embarrassed Chris because of how vocal and loud I was being. I don’t feel that I actively pushed, but that I let the contractions do the work. To be absolutely honest, as the head was crowning, I got very scared and I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t. It was okay though, because 6 minutes later, Miriam was fully delivered!!

The on-call doctor showed up 15 minutes later, and the only thing she did was deliver the placenta which was being very stubborn. She administered pitocin for that, and I’ve had it one additional time because I’m having a hard time with getting the post-partum clotting to stick.

I’m feeling pretty good!! I had a tiny little tearing, not even enough to consider a 1st degree, which is wonderful compared to the 4th degree one I had with Benjamin. It’s amazing how wonderful and proud I feel after a non-medicated birth!



Benjamin is enjoying being a big brother, if only because it means that the grandparents and Daddy are at home everyday. He hasn't quite figured out exactly how this new baby relates to him. As a toddler, it's still all about Benjamin!

Guess what?!

I'm pregnant with Baby #2!! I'm sorry I have been absent from the new blog, but can I make excuses? We found out about the pregnancy in January. It was kind of unexpected as we were planning on getting pregnant again in October 2010, not having the baby in October! Alas, it happened, and we're happy and excited. I had a miserable 1st trimester with lots of morning sickness, and since I have chosen to do extended breastfeeding with Benjamin, I found myself extremely dehydrated between supporting the two of them (Benjamin and baby). Once I reached the dehydration stage, I just couldn't keep anything in my system and needed the help of a few bags of IV saline solution to better myself. I can't say if I'm as exhausted with this pregnancy as I was with Benjamin, mostly because I'm generally exhausted from chasing him and the 2 toddler boys that I nanny around! However, I didn't have any morning sickness with Benjamin, so could this mean "girl?" We'll have to wait at least another month to find that out, so stay tuned!

Well, now that I'm heading into my 16th week, I'm feeling much better and the nesting bug has hit me hard. I don't really feel the need to prepare specifically for the baby though. Perhaps this is because I have the basics of everything we'll need for a new little one. If this is a girl, we will have to purchase some "girl" clothes to fill out the wardrobe that's filled with clearly "boy" clothes. There are some additional things we're looking at, such as a duo/tandem stroller, an additional convertible carseat, a highchair (right now we use a convertible booster chair that Benjamin will get to continue using), and of course, a minivan.

So what does a girl like me do when the need to nest is so strong but there's no need to actually prepare for the baby? She crafts! I'm looking forward to attempting to sew a few of my own maternity sundresses like the one below. I haven't been able to find "modern" maternity sewing patterns, so I believe that this style will allow for some extra belly room. Stay tuned while I search for my inspiration!


photo courtesy of Knittingand

Monkeys need to eat, too

I enjoy baking for my family. Pies, cookies, and cakes are packed full of love, then shoveled into their faces to go where love really belongs: their bellies! One of my favorite items is banana bread. I keep a freezer stocked of bananas that have ripened beyond the casual eater's likening. Every now and then, I'll pull out 3 or 4 bananas and make a loaf of bread. There's nothing quite like a warm slice slathered in butter!

Benjamin now enjoys eating with us. Correction: Benjamin stalks us for food. The kid is a bottomless pit! I much prefer to offer him homemade solid foods rather than the store bought prepackaged kinds. I know exactly what goes into it, and it certainly saves us money. So when I opened my freezer today and saw a shelf of bananas, I knew that I had to make him a treat. Afterall, our fridge is full of pumpkin cheesecakes! I thought about trying to turn my bread into a biscuit for him to eat. He is teething, and it helps ease the pain.

Monkey Cookies!

Ingredients:

3 1/2 cups flour

3 tsp baking powder

3/8 tsp salt

1 1/2 cups sugar

1 cup softened butter

3 eggs

3 mashed bananas (you can use frozen or overripe bananas; they provide a more intense flavor)

1 1/2 tsp vanilla

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Comine dry ingredients in a large bowl. Mix well.

Cut in the butter. The dough should be crumbly.

Add remaining ingredients, and mix well.

Drop by teaspoonfuls on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake for 13-15 minutes.

Makes about 3 dozen. These cookies can be frozen.

These are very cakelike cookies, rather than hard biscuits, but as you can see, Benjamin enjoys them!

The Sick Bay

Last weekend, we were all exposed to the H1N1/Swine Flu. I've been carefully monitoring my family for signs of the Sick, but nothing showed up. Phew!

...until Friday afternoon. At about 2pm, Benjamin and I were hit with the Bovine Express semi-truck, and quickly developed fevers and aches and pains. I seem to be the only one with the cough and sneezing though. My throat is killing me and I can find no relief. Benjamin seems to be doing well with the help of some Tylenol and extra, extra, extra cuddles from Mommy. Chris, though, appears to be unhuman and has yet again escaped any form of discomfort. It's not fair.

There's no testing though around these parts unless you're admitted to the hospital and I don't even think we warrant doctor visits. After all, this could just be a cold. It's often so hard to tell the difference between colds and flus. Well, here's hoping no one gets worse!

Welcome!

A friend told me I needed to be a grown-up and get a blog like the rest of them.

I've had this blog set up for awhile, but never posted anything to it. Why? Because I have an 8 month old son, and that's a pretty darn good reason! However, this week he came down with an ear infection, and I'm giving him the luxury to sleep as long as he pleases. Just so happens he's taking a 3 hour nap today!

I recently left my promising career at a national bank in order to be able to spend more time with my family. I never thought I would want to do this, but one can never foretell how they'll feel about being a mother until they actually are one. Obviously, this is going to create a gaping hole in our finances where my paycheck used to be, but I am confident that everything will work out for the best.

I will be a happier, more fulfilled person with this path in my life. Please join me as I enter this new dimension!